- Enemy Territory (Original Mix) by C-Quence Pres Assure -

Currently it is 1.40-ish and 1.30-ish on my workplace's computer. Yups. I'm currently in a studio working. Whee! XD

It has been a while since I last updated. Just how much time gets into the crevices of my life and fills in the gaps of it. Before you know it, suddenly so much time has passed since the last post.

Life has been a helluva bz as of late. My final project has officiallly been done. Now it is just a matter of waiting for the screening period.

Looking back I get a slight shock as I realised just how long it took to actually get it done. I believe it took my batch nearly 1 year to get it completed. How time flies.

- now listening to the songs of AKB48 -

A word of note to all out there who don't know about animation. Animation ain't a walk in the park. It requires alotta time and manpower. My team was a team of 4 cum 3 working on a 10 minute short film. It took us 1 year, from pre production to post production to get it completed. And even then it ain't exactly pass a TV series standard. So here's a hard factoid for those who don't know.

Well, I bring this up cos of how many ppl wave the phrase "just animate it" around so freely. Sometimes I get an animation request that seems highly amusing or just plain out of the question. First things first : funding, time and manpower.

A Maya license goes by the K's. And that's just one license for computer. So you can imagine the budget that is needed for making an animated feature.

Well, that slight rant aside, I've started working. It's interesting how I got here actually.

I have a few colleagues here who I talk to rather well with, 2 of whom have pretty good deep philosophies in life. We usually talk about life. one of them spoke of how there's more to life than money. Life to her, is all about relationships with people. It isn't about making money as it is about the ties and connections we have with people we mix and interact with.

I did state that in the end, as we lie to rest in the grave, we can't bring the money or material possessions with us. But the impressions and impacts we leave on the lives of others will carry on. Your name lives on even after you've left. That is immortality indeed.

But anyways, back to how I got here. Relationships with people indeed did bless me with this position I am in. I got the direction from a junior of mine who just offered a freelance opportunity. An interview and well, here I am.

It is amazing indeed how connections can branch out so far and wide. Indeed no man is an island. Without the help of others life is quite hard. We are all connected to each other, one way or another, directly or indirectly and whether we like it or not. XD

- now listening to the songs of Kanjani8 -

Well, the studio I'm currently in is quite a nice environment. To say that it is a pure animation studio, or editing studio, or advertising and whatever not is to wrongly label it. Basically this studio, at best I would describe it, is a creative studio. As in a studio that has the essence of creativity. We're talking ideas, concepts and all things self expression. Of course the studio does industry works to support itself but aside from that it's aims are purely that or artistry. Qutie an interesting studio, being that it is so hard to find a studio such as this in this region. Either that or my scope of the industry is at best pin-point minimalisitc.

Well, I'm only a week old worker here. So slow and steady does it I guess. Still trying to let the feel of the studio enter into my system. Currently as a pet project for the studio, while absorbing and getting the feel of the essence of the studio I'm designing a character that represents it. Still in the rough stages of it.

That aside, family is okay, life goes on.

Time spent with a special someone has made life more brighter. ^_^

Altho I must say there're times when I don't get her, nor do I understand the way her crazy mind works. She's whack in that sense. >_>"

She's made out of randomnity I must say. Like she was born from that concept itself or something man. Her mind I tell you... =.="

But she brings smiles and laughs to my life. Although I must say she sometimes gets insecured easily so I'm trying to help her up her confidence. She's has so much she deserves and that I believe.

Altho the way she treats her family and me remains to be questioned. She treats me okay. But the way she treats her family is so different, as different as how black and white are. But then again, her family interactions are quite different and interesting in itself. Tis like she's the way she is cause of how her family interacts with each other. No child is a tainted piece of paper. All children start white and ended up dirty due to influences by people who want to shed off their negative influences and say that such deeds / actions are justified by their daily sufferings.

- now listening to "Let's Get Together" by Voices of Japan and Korea -

But that aside she's still special and a better person than worse. Nobody's perfect definitely. But I think she's special in her own way. Even under all that upbringing and such she's the shining bright person among her family members. ^_^

Currently during free times I'm playing RO. Although awaiting the arrival of Starcraft 2.

All you gamers (well if not all then a majority of em) out there should know that feeling. The long awaited game arriving. Damn man! Watching the in-game demo drives me nuts with anticipation. I just wonder I have time to play tho. T.T

Ha ha. Perhaps I would.

Hopefully. XD

Well, anyways, my entry ends here for now. May all be happy always and find their light in their paths.

This was an entry written quite some time ago but it kept hanging in my mind whether to be put up or not. Oh well, what the heck. I have an artwork that has something to do with this entry so oh well here it goes.

- now listening to 'Melodies' by GAM -

Currently 3.30 in the morning. Time for bed, and much earlier than my usual time I must add. Oh well, I'm trying to change my sleep pattern. My current setting is as I would put it, unhealthy.

Well, I had a thought bugging and as they say, the best way to get rid of the pest of a mental bug is to let it out.

Anyway, how many of you had received statements that bugged the life out of you? That pissed you off?

Well, I had many (as do all of us) but there was one that I feel needs a little light shining on it.

Well, not too long ago I received a statement by a certain someone in a childish attempt to shoot back at me. A little 'conference' we had, and just cause that person didn't get what he wanted he shot me back with a statement out of desperation.

- now listening to 'Issai Gassai Anata ni Ageru' by Biyuden / V-u-den -

Now, I'm not one to be bothered by such small talk. But for some reason this statement remained in my head. And then I thought, why not share it with others? Let them figure out the answer for it.

Hmmm...

How to start it?

Okay, here goes.

'Is it a sin for one not to produce a piece of artwork?'

'Is it a sin for one not to want to share his/her ideas to others?'

Quite obvious the answers are, unless you have a fanaticism equal to the person who made such statements.

Now I brought this up because this person here gives me the impression from his words used that he has bragging rights just because he posts more artworks up on the net in comparison to me.

Okay, so maybe he has a bad way with words. But when you have a repeated bombardment of the same thing and annoying requests for new works, it tends to make you think whether he really has a bad dictionary at hand or that he really means what he says.

- now listening to 'Some Boys Touch' by Maki Goto -

We all have our reasons for doing certain things. Busy, family, business, personal matters to attend.

To who it may concern, not everyone has the free time and luxury such as you to keep coming up with new things. It's not as if I don't wish to come up with new things. I have my own problems to deal with unlike you. And yes, I do try to find the time if there is such space available for such luxuries. You have a passion for it I give you applause for it. But don't shove such enthusiasms up someone's ass man.

Ever heard the saying : “I share your enthusiasm”

Notice the keyword 'share' there. It's share. Not I want to be a sadist and have that good dose of enthusiasm you have in my body, preferably administered to me anally and with a lot of force too! Oh yes please! No, it's share.

So why is it that you have to shove it my up little rear hole? Things are meant to come out of it, not go in. And sides, it isn't really my preference to have it being an entrance, enough said.

I have my reasons that causes the inability to come up with new things. So does that give you bragging rights and the license to be all nose-up bout it? To go around thinking you own the world just cause you can produce something because you have been blessed with such an ability to do so? In comparison to others? Well, you are technically the God of the world, that little world of yours that is.

There's a bigger world out there, and that world involves people and feelings and this thing called 'a person's patience'. There's a limit to the patience, and I hope you know what the meaning of 'limit' is cause if you don't check it up on a dictionary. If you still don't get it you could test it out by bugging a person with really little patience. Consequences resulting from such actions will be a good reference for you on your journey in finding the meaning of 'limit to patience'. Yes doctor! We shall have the Nobel Prize for discovering that! Whoop dee doo!

- now listening to 'Aa Ii Na!' by W -

And now, comes to the part about ideas.

Ideas are everywhere. We all have ideas and such. And as artists, ideas are our forte, our trump card, our ticket to earn a living.

To who it may concern...again...is it a sin if someone doesn't want to share their ideas?

Everyone is born with a right to do what they want with what lies in their heads, just as long as it doesn't hurt others. And I believe keeping ideas, artist ideas, in one's head is their right and not a sin. It don't hurt nobody right?

So why is it that you rant about people not wanting to share that essence and element floating among their brain juices?

They have reasons for keeping it up there locked nice and tight. Security, privacy...mostly security.

There are these beings, these funny creatures out there we call art thieves. Always on the lookout and ready to steal art so-hard-produced by its creators.

Perhaps that's why there are people out there who don't want to share ideas? Perhaps they do, but not their best ideas.

Well, whatever the reasons and such one thing is clear.

If a person wants to share his/her ideas, he/she will do so. Let him/her do so. It's up to them. Don't make such a fuss and rant about why people don't want to share ideas just cause you do. You do it, that is your problem and issue. Leave other people out of it. Just cause you do it, doesn't mean others have to do so.

You think you're so great just cause you have a huge grand idea and you put it up while others don't? That makes you great? You think that gives you bragging rights and the very right to bug the crap out of others and pester them to spill their guts and flush their ideas out of their heads so you can just see it?

You don't like people who don't share their ideas, fine. It's up to you. But don't go thinking you're so great. People don't like that as well. Think you're so great, going around hugging the clouds just cause you put your ideas up. Ooh...aah...

I'm the least amused.

Like I said you are a God, but of your little tiny world. Other people live in their own worlds as well. And we all ultimately live in a bigger world we all share. Who's to say we must follow your world's rules?

Sure you were just ranting and letting it out. So am I ranting as well so no hard feelings okay? And well, I wouldn't have decided to let it out if one didn't become such a pest. You know how it is with flies right? They circle around your head too much it ticks you off. You get swat for being a pest.

You have potential. You have a good fire of passion in there. Let that burn. Don't start to light the torch of bragging rights. That torch will lead you astray into deeper darkness.

Oh oh! I remember now! We have to be just like you? We have to be able to see things like you do? We have to able to see your artworks like you do?

Excuse me, I don't have your eyes. I don't have your mind. And I sure as hell aren't part of your world.

So what's up with this statement of us having to be able to make a judgement that you are able to just because we are artists?

Lost? Here's a clue.

You have a sketch, a rough sketch, a sketch so rough that all I can see is lines. I can't make head or tail of what you're producing, if that really is head or tail that you are drawing.

You can say a lot bout that sketch because it is YOUR sketch. Get that in your thick skull. It is YOUR IDEA, not another person's idea. How do you expect people to be able to think like you or decipher what you want them to see if all you show them is nothing short of random lines? And faded lines I might add.

“You are an artist! You should be able to tell what it is!”

I've never heard such fine ways to use a statement to sugar coat bullshit so well. Oh yeah, you're right. I'm an artist. I can tell between a clean sheet of paper and random lines. And I see random lines. There you have it!

What do you expect me to say? That it's nice? Sure. It's nice. I like it. I hope this fake smile convinces you. Can I stop fake smiling now? It hurts my muscles and I feel tired.

Sheez...

The arrogance of your statement. Like I said once, I'm a nice guy. But push me over the edge and you get it. And I'm still being nice here by restraining myself and my word usage.

- now listening to 'Ookina Aide Modenashite' by C-ute -

Ever heard of a person's first impression?

You ask someone's opinion, that's the first impression they got looking at your work. Live with it.

As a lecturer once told me :

Clients or your bosses don't want to see mistakes. They want to see your work and whatever you produce speaks for itself.

You want someone to appreciate your work? Sure. You have your certain amounts of fans here and there. I have mine, not that many sure cause I don't produce much. And I don't expect it yet. I get what I put in.

I will put more when I have the time. I'm focusing on education right now for your information. I'm trying to absorb as much as possible. I have my own issues to handle. Don't expect me to follow your schedule cause I ain't living your life. Get that fact straight.

I know where I stand. And I know my level, and I know when I'm ready to put something up. Don't make that decision for me.

I want you to stop producing works. That is an order and I'm making that choice for you! You don't like that right?

So don't make a choice and decision for me. Or well, don't just shove it up my ass and think you're so great. Cause you're not. Greatness isn't gauged by your artworks. It's gauged by your attitude.

- now listening to 'Miss Love Tantei' by W -

There are people with great works but lousy attitudes. What's the point? I'm human and I would like to work alongside a human being, not a frigging tiger wearing our clothes.

Perhaps it was all a big misunderstanding. Perhaps we got off the wrong track here. Sure. Here's the magic keyword. Word usage. Please think properly about the words you use before you let them escape your mouth. Maybe what you said was not meant to piss people off or bug the living daylights out of that person. But please think about what you say. You wonder why sometimes you try so hard to convince someone or to please or impress someone but you just can't? While others can do so with just a pinch of effort? It's your words. Think before you speak.

I've seen your workings, studied how you bring yourself about. Your words can be a poison dart aimed at yourself. I have poison words and a sharp tongue as well. But that's triggered when I'm mad. So unless you're a mad me on a rampage, you seem to be one who throws poison darts all the time, and blindfolded I might add. You just throw, not aiming and knowing where it's headed or when it's going to hit.

Step outside a bit please okay. Your world, my world, every other person's little own world, but an ultimately bigger world we step on and a nice round thing called a sun in our skies. Let that round sun put some shine on you man.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to lay back and let out some little more steam.

Wow, you have some power. You made a short rant turn really long. Not bad I might add.

And oh yeah, you want art so I make art. This journal entry was written to go with an artpiece I plan to post up when I have the time. So you sorta got what you wish in a way. Happiness all around whoopee!

The yearn for many things, among them a book of pictures

- now listening to "Ohiru No Kyuukei no Jikan" by Berryz Koubou -

Tis now nearing 2 am in the morning. U hu hu hu...

Ok...I'm currently hooked to this word. "U hu hu hu".

A new way to laugh, taught to me by someone from me forum. >_>"

Neways, life I feel as of late has turned rather monotonous, scripted, ordered...routine even. Tis been this flat line of events.

Well, of cos save for the occasional ups and downs here and there and most perhaps almost everywhere. More downs though, what with me dad being highly volatile as of late. >_>"

- now listening to "Seishun Amigo" by Yamashita Tomohisa and Kazuya Kamenashi and "Captain Nemo" by Sarah Brightman -

Currently I've been having heavy assignments on my hands. The commencement of the final project has started and I've got so much to do.

Oh well, on the brighter side, me and the wife and kids are doing fine. XD

Ha ha ha. Well, my hopefully-to-be wife and want-to-adopt kids.

Everyday, the more I see em the more the heart gets melted and me gut having this fuzzy feeling. Lol. XD

- now listening to "Ai No Tane" by Morning Musume -

Me bro currently is playing FF12. The game looks good, with its new concept of combining many elements from previous FF's. And the design, my gawd the design. Pure visual pleasure.

I've yet to start on Okami too. Another example of beautiful and pleasing eye candy. The visuals are just beautiful and it's a game brimming with Japanese traditional culture. The visuals, the elements...and the MUSIC! GAWD THE MUSIC!

Such spleandour pleasures for the ears. I can just relax listening to the beautiful sounds.

I've yet to embark on the beautiful journey. DoTA as of the current moment has dominated my mind, heart and soul. Tis like this one creature that consumes me. A game per day makes the doctor go away for me. Lol.

Chatting as normal, discussions for the well being of the forum going ok.

Tis amazing being in a forum going dynamic for the moment. So many kinds of people, so many kinds of personas, so many kinds of things going on beyond your current horizons. Tis like a collective of personalities, waiting to be tapped and to educate on so many types of cultures and beliefs and practices and what-not.

- now listening to "Shiroi Tokyo" by ZYX -

Tis amazing to see how people can be united and diplomatic when all have one destination and one way to go.

Although some seem to go overboard and some have neither a drop nor a shred of clue of their very actions.

You know tis like you walk down this corridor filled with people and everyone's staring daggers at you so intensely you'd think you're gushing blood all over. But these kinda people as mentioned above, they are oblivious to those kind of daggers. Tis amazing really considering how old they are.

Then of course you've got the wild, and the uberly crappy (crappy being funny) and uberly genki. So much energy contained in youth.

And tis amazing to see how open and yet closed sum mindsets are. Open on some points and closed on others.

- now listening to “Last Christmas” by Beatles and “Falling Angel” by Chris Phillips -

To dwell within a fantasy. And to fall down that Rabbit Hole so so deeply. To go so deep you can't even see the light from the top where you came in.

Why is it that I fall into a fantasy? Why is it that I want to dance on the fields of flowers coloured on a fantasy book? Why is it that I want to lie cuddled in the floating cradle in space?

Why is it that I dwell within the unreal...and yet want to stay there?

I do have a strong grasp of reality, so strong it hurts just holding it. Maybe perhaps that's the reason why. Reality hurts for reality is truth, what it is and what you see is what you get...or should I rephrase it? What you don't want to see is nevertheless what you'll get.

Fantasy, a realm of yearn and desires and where all things are possible. The intangible becomes the tangible, the untouchable touchable, the ethereal material and the impossible possible.

A place of happiness, a place only found in the infinite human playground that is the mind.

Sometimes, no wait...most of the time, I've always wondered about those who are deranged / crazy / delusional. What do they see that we don't? What do they feel that we don't? What do they hear that we don't?

What is is that they experience that we are unable to?

It is not real for us but for them, it is as real as pain itself. Sometimes I wonder whether they see not only what their mind projects but also what it is that is truly there but we can't see.

Spirits, divines...all things supernatural and such.

I do wonder sometimes. To lose grasp of the product of all experiences gained from the moment of your birth, I feel the mind reverts to a state of complete innocence once again.

Like a sheet of paper, holy and innocent white, that had been tainted by all things, but now given the chance within its current lifetime to be cleared clean.

The difference though is the hidden experiences gained in that individual. Come to think of it, where does those experiences go to? It can't just disappear into thin air just like that.

- now listening to “Toshi Shitsu Taiki” by Berryz Koubou and “Dakishimenaide” by W -

Ah, one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite groups plays, the song that got stuck in my head thanks to it being featured in the BK DVD Mag 7. -_-”

It feels wabi-sabi when I think about it. If I were to go deranged this part of my memories and experience will be sent off to some part of my brain that is hard to access unless I used extreme strong willpower.

And yet, tis like this small piece of heaven in one corner of me.

“There's a piece of heaven in all of us.”

Has a nice ring to it eh?

But neways, back to the topic. What do this group of individuals see? Do they really see things there that aren't seen by our normal mortal eyes?

I believe I've seen this phenomena portrayed many times in movies and such. There prolly is a shred of truth in it, considering how movies are the products of the human experience.

Well, I’m off to concert myself to sleep with Hello Project 2006 Wonderful Hearts Land concert. Will continue this entry.

- now listening to “Ending Theme” from Niea_7 OST –

Ok, tis now nearing 2 in the afternoon the next day. Lol.

I should have woken up earlier but I stayed up watching HPWHL concert. Man, that concert has gotten me hook.

But it was a memorable performance indeed. Konkon’s and Makoto’s graduation was one that left me in tears.

Life always has this effect on you. What touches you is not the situation or event but the experiences coupled with it. The more memories and experiences you have related to the departing subject, the more you feel it in your heart and soul.

I guess tears are a way for you to heal yourself as you adjust yourself to fill in that gap that was left in you.

Goodbyes I guess are always the hardest and it definitely gets burned into your mind, the amount of burn depending on how deep your relationship with that departing person is.

I think I just had a stroke of déjà vu. Lol.

Neways, a beautiful concert and well done as well. Picture perfect never felt so perfect until this concert.

I grew up with MM’s Konkon and Makoto’s generation. I went through the phases of not knowing who was who to knowing them so well enough they were a part of my life. Sighs…goodbyes will be goodbyes indeed.

To touch someone’s heart is a powerful act indeed. One can indeed change the world just by being connected to its people.

The perks of charisma. To have high charisma is to have the higher upper hand in being able to reach out to people.

I just typed a long commentary of it and posted it up in the forum. Lol. I just had to speak my mind of a beautiful con.

And to see Taka Ai crying, that really got to me. Not just cos I’m a Taka Ai fan but also cos I felt the strong bonds between her and Konkon and Mako. Seeing that bond between the members of the same gen really got to me. I felt the strong ties. It was as though I was a part of that bond, as though I was the one who grew up side by side with them. Mebbe tis just me. I dunno.

Hmmm, so far H!P has been quite a big part of me if not DoTA. The human can’t let go of a source of happiness.

A person once said that our true nature is to seek happiness. Tis in our soul. And we want that happiness to last forever since a soul never dies but lasts an eternity.

Currently wondering how to save cash to get two PBs.

- now listening to “Eternal” by F-R-E-U-D –

A PB with BK and C-ute together in it. >_<”

The queen, the princess and the daughters are in there. Nyaaars… T_T

And then there’s the heartmelting Risako solo PB… >_<”

Omg omg omg…hearts a-melting again… X_x

Although I did pay a visit to Kino and I couldn’t find it. Hasn’t arrived yet. T_T

Mebbe I might need to go order it or something… >_>”

When I have the cash that is… =.=”

Oh well.

Neways, my entry ends here for now. Currently the brain works are in the frits. Haven’t been inspired nor have I found anything that allowed the brain juices to be churning out thoughts.

Very unlike of me…I hope I’m not screwed by being dipped into this pool of monotony of life like a frigging teabag with a string. -_-“

Well, may all have happiness and inspirations.

- now listening to 'Joshi Basket bu ~ Asaren Atta Hi no Kamigata' by Berryz Koubou -

Ar...tis been a while since I last updated me bloggy. Tis currently now a little pass 1am in the morning and in the midst of multitasking (typing this entry while handling bout 2 or 3 forums at a go XD).

Hmmm...

Many things have happened as of late, some interesting, some hmmm...and some annoying in a blatant way.

Well, college has actually been quite a burden. Strange how one is kept really busy even with lessened subs. Oh well.

But I guess I learned something, even though as always at the last minute, bout certain things.

Have you ever been in a situation where sometimes you placed your loyalty in something you believe is worth following? Only to find out it was a choice that brings you nothing but a whole lotta bad mojo?

- now listening to 'From The Inside' by Linkin Park -

Well, I sorta walked down that path again. Tis scary how these paths always seem to be as hidden as your best kept secret. How you don't realise it until the very last minute.

Well, I had the opportunity to see a person in action. Two to be exact. One a sorta butt kisser type person and the other a blind floating person that has little to no sense of direction in choices and personality. Where to begin?

Tis amazing sometimes the closer you are to someone you are given the front-row-seat opportunity to see some people in action. I had such good seats at seeing such a person. Tis amazing how that person can smile at you and talk to you just so that person can get a favour from you.

From something as minor to getting a ride to something as major as manipulation, tis amazing how one can blatantly do it. Perhaps tis in that person's nature cos sometimes I think this person doesn't even know his/her action. But then again, perhaps it was intentional.

- now listening to 'Kiss From A Rose' by Seal -

Tis been a while since I heard this song. Neways...

When you are of no use to such a person you are literally discarded. Not to mention this person actually says it in your face.

Sure, you know he/she is joking but when you consider his/her words and notice the actions following the speech, you realise that those said words have much more truth than you could imagine.

I've felt used and manipulated but I guess I was just nice enough to keep it to myself. But I guess after a certain incident that person threw away my niceness. Sorta refreshing and a good dose of awakening. I somehow actually felt more freedom as I started to initiate my plan, to step away from such a person.

Well, you're a power hungry person. I'm not giving you the luxury of gaining power over me.

But I pity your victim. Which brings me to the second archetype, the blind floating person that has little to no sense of direction in choices and personality.

Well, this person for one has very little to no respect towards me. Well, tis normal I guess since I'm not one to be such a butt kisser or manipulator but a truthful and perhaps blunt in a majority of times kinda person.

- now listening to 'Barbarian' by Dagda -

Strange how some songs take the right words out of your mouth? Well, I would say this blind floating person is quite barbaric. Well he is rather. Kinda short on the manners and sometimes I must say intelligence.

The lamest of comments and worse of all, when couple with a manipulator persona, makes for the best combination of master and slave.

I'm thinking scrawny scrooge type person with a big burly tick ridden dog on a spike leash. How's that for imagery?

It sometimes amazes me how this blind floater is so rude and disrespectful to me but so sweet talking to the manipulator cos the manipulator pulls the right strings. I sometimes wonder am I the only one who can see this?

- now listening to 'Christmas Pittari Shitai' by Ogawa Makoto, Koharu Kusumi and Yurina Kumai from H!P Wonderful Hearts Concert OST -

I'm like thinking, erm, silly floater, you do know the manipulator's playing you around to get favours from you?

It can even be seen in some other aspects. So so so much blatant that tis nauseating.

I'd say more, but I don't wanna give away identities now do I? A erm, secrecy must be kept you know.

But annoying it is. Oh well. Neways, events have indeed opened my eyes. I'm sorta feeling a sense of freedom. Tis strange how there was a certain amount of dependancy but once you stepped out of the shadows you feel so much freedom. Sure, there're difficulties handling the new situation. But I believe I can manage.

I wanna start anew again. I'm always on the lookout for a fresh start. Never ending. Each start a new adventure and lesson learned. A turn on the crossroad, a new path, and my back turned to a dirty road left behind.

I find things that truly mean to me and I cherish em more. I mean, I do cherish them before such turn of events but now as I take a new path I cherish them even more. And I think I'm starting to learn to steer away from certain things that can prove destructive to me. I need to really step out of the darkness. Don't worry, it ain't drugs or smoking or anything bad. Just a bad habit in need of squelching and ridding.

- now listening to 'Lose One's Illusions' from Star Ocean OST and 'Love Machine' by Morning Musume -

Gawd, tis really amazing how my music reads me. The name says it all. To step away from the mirages that will keep me rooted and move on to find the oasis.

I still remember how that manipulator bugs me to do things that are beneficial only to him/herself. How such a person is the embodiment of selfishness and a symbol of disregard for the welfare of others. I remembered so many words that person said that brought a feeling of disgust to my gut.

What goes around come around my man. Just you wait. I await your punishment. I'm not one to be mean but on several occasions, current events making it all the more comment, I do wish to just look down on you and gloat and your suffering.

- now listening to 'Ambient Wonder' from HALO OST and 'Faint' by Linkin Park -

There's just so much suffering you deserve. And that floater, I pity you for not being able to wake up and have a personality of your own and find a right direction. Well, I won't say I'm a certain path myself but at least I do ask questions and hope to find it and am always on the lookout. You just erm...stay a stone where you are...sadly...

Well, that aside.

Lately, I've been given the opportunity to meet up with a Japanese girl of 18 years of age. Tis actually rather refreshing and interesting. Cos as you can see, I've 'grown up' on the cliche of Japanese girls, blinded by the media. This girl was very different. She was quiet and composed and giving many wrong impressions. You can't read her mind and figure out her true personality and she's no talker. Well, extremely quiet to a point you'd think she had no use of a mouth.

I always had this impression that Japanese girls were of a certain archetype range : genki, kakkui, scary, shy, reserved. That sorta cliche's. Teaches you that you can't trust the media.

It was scary meeting this particular Japanese girl cos she's sorta like the local girl in my town. Just that she speaks Japanese, is more reserved and sure as hell pretty. =3

But that's upon one look on the outside. Look closely and you can see that she is a hard book to open and decipher. You don't know what's on her mind but she is wise and has several cogs working in there head of hers.

- now listening to 'Dudu Dudu' by Tarkan and 'Hero Overture' from Hero OST -

Btw, how rude of me. Bad intros. Her name's Hiiko and I have to say her name's as pretty as she is. Sighs...

You wouldn't believe the amount of guys trying to talk to her. XD

Well, I'm just playing my cool, putting my philosophy of know the person first. Had too many experiences with wrong personality archetypes breaking my heart.

But as I said, refreshing indeed. A new leaf from the tree of knowledge. I have to thank her when I get the chance. She enlightened me more at how close we can be in terms of personalities even though we are separated by the vast sea. Tis strange indeed how familiar she can be. She really is at moments like the local girl.

- now listening to 'Cloud Number Nine' by Brian Adams and 'Himawari' by Magna Canta -

Well, also I've been meeting up with a fren to have an exchange of media. Lol.

Thanks for the H!P files. X3 arigato ne. Sorry if I couldn't burn any. I'll try getting Airi and my daughter's vid up for ye. XD

Okay...a lil steer of the road for a while...

MAI IS SO CUTE!!! KYAAA!!!! XD XD XD

Ha ha, to the person who exchanges H!P stuff with me, you know who I'm talking about. I wanna be with my daughter. T^T

*is on a strong urge to pamper Mai so much*

Well, speaking of H!P I was on a H!P outting just recently. Tis in this outting that another example of the ever interesting dual personality in someone can be seen. Tis amazing how a person is different in real life as compared to when he/she is online. It just is so different tis like two sides of a coin.

The people I was out with, according to me fren who shared H!P media with me, were supposed to be really noisy and such. But meeting them up in person I had quite a shock. They were really quiet. Well, perhaps tis cos tis the first time we met. But oh well, I was just being myself even for first times. So I was sorta the noisiest person there. XD

I realised I love to speak my mind. I can't bear not to say something. There's always feedback coming from me and if tis a topic I do not know of, then my curiosity takes over and questions pop out instead.

Sorta always on a constant search for knowledge and sharing ideas as well. I don't force it down ppl's throat though like some who I know that do. Quite annoying actually that one. I just speak my mind, say out what pop in my head, whether people wanna take not tis up to them. But I do appreciate a good discussion. =3

- now listening to 'Cruising Together' by Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis -

Hmmm...

College, life...oh yes.

Visiting Berryz Koubou and H!P forums. A sorta daily practice.

And of course, Waracchaou yo Boyfriend, the Gawd-sent Berryz Koubou 11th Single. Watching the PV brings a melter to the heart. Always gets to me. Gah... X_x

Watched it just now and melted. Of course putting Semi on did the same thing as well. I just sank to my butt at the sight of Risako and clawed at the door when Chinami came up. Lol.

But Waracchaou, definite heart melter for the cute lover. Gawd they are so cute.

KYYYYAAAA!!!!! XD

Apparently my H!P media fren says I can get away with KYA and NYA and any fangirl sounds. XD ha ha ha. That's good I think... ^^"

Well neways, my entry ends here for now. May all have happiness and a clear path in life. And definitely steer clear of manipulators and floaters who bring you down.

- now listening to 'Hyokkori Hyoutanjima' by Morning Musume -

It's now 5.26 am. Once again, I'm back to my nocturnal roots. Lol.

This period of time between this post and the previous has been quite a period of many things. So many things happening.

For one, Maya is hard to handle for me. I still haven't had the right mindset to solve most of the technical problems within. Gah, I'm really starting to miss 2D. >_<”

Aside from that, still on a Hello Project high and prolly will remain that way for a long time to come. XD I just finished collecting a whole bunch of pics and some vids. More vids still in the process of being d/l'ed. Can't wait for the arrival of it. X3

- now listening to 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne -

And speaking of Hello Project, I'm proud to announce that I'm a proud owner of two official Hello Project merchandise. X3

They are two photobooks (PB for short). One is Takahashi Ai's Wata-ame and the other is Berryz Koubou's Switch On! Concert PB.

These are the pics :

Berryz Koubou's :

[link]

[link]

Takahashi Ai's

[link]

[link]

And of course, the price tag XD :
[link]

Also, I’m currently in the process of writing a fanfic featuring Berryz Koubou's captain Saki chan. Still a work in progress so hontoni gomen to the one who's waiting for its arrival. >_<”

I'll try to finish it ASAP.

Well, all in all, life's been pretty so so and normal. Waking up early to send my sis around, catching up with college assignments, trying to complete my Hello Project projects. XD

As I sit and type my sis works hard on her project as well. Hopefully she gets to finish her final project.

- now listening to 'Anata Nashi De Wa Ikite Yukenai' by Berryz Koubou -

I shake my head to this funky beat and what a beat it is.

Lately I feel as though time is running shorter and shorter. I actually have this very theory that the earth is spinning faster and faster, accelerating the time flow that our vessels are chosen to go with.

Well, it is a pretty far fetched idea, but I just feel that the day flies by too fast. Tis like I can never seem to find enough time to really finish doing or completing something. Either that or our time is normal but just taken up by so many other things.

Kind of restricting and definitely imposing on one's time, consuming it. It's quite an ironic thing isn't it? Paradoxical even.

We are beings that are community based. We live in a life where we rely upon each other in a community (except for those who decide to de-attach from such a system). And yet we want our freedom as well, and when one depends and is being depended upon, there will be the problem of time consumption. One will consume another's time and vice versa. And yet we want the freedom and the time to do what we please. But when we do so, we do it at the expense of another's source of time to do what he or she pleases.

It feels like a chain reaction gone extreme when one things of how this act of time consumption spreads out from one source. It's an exponential result. And now we have our society, rarely or barely having ample time for one's self unless he or she manages his or her time to the fullest. Kind of tiring.

Won't it be nice to be within an existence where such a freedom and ample amount of time is there without any use of energy just to maintain it?

- now listening to 'Lay Your Hands' by Simon Webbe -

Time is so precious. It's amazing how it is like a cocoon and we're the little being inside it. Or a jar and we're the tiny fish inside it. It has us within its grasp, we're in a cage that can affect us and we can't even touch or see it but instead only begin to imagine what it is and how it might be shaped like if put in a tangible form. Not a watch that you wear, but its purest form.

Ever wondered how time would actually look like if it were to be given a form and shape? What manner of bizarre existence would it be? It's so powerful because it can determine life and death itself. And perhaps choose to put us on a standstill to either admire us or laugh at how our lives are.

I wonder what it would be like to come into contact with time? Would it be like touching God?

There's a saying by many spiritual people that touching God will make you end up in flames. Our vessel of protein and of God-make is so frail and fragile in comparison to the omnipresence of the Mighty One. Such is His power.

Perhaps that is why fire is so symbolic and powerful in spirituality. The symbol of destruction? Or is it the symbol of life? Because as said above, one gets engulfed in flames when in contact with God. God is life after all since He can give it. Tis like a nuclear reactor I guess. Giving us the ability to operate but within it contains such a force that we can't begin to handle in our mortal forms.

- now listening to 'Martial Law' from Final Fantasy 8 OST -

Thinking of fire somehow brings to my mind a coin. Everything is like a coin. Everything is two sided.

Black and white, day and night, rain or shine, cold and hot.

Even the law of paradox shows how two sided many things can be, both the material and the abstract. What is up with two anyway? What's so nice about two?

Perhaps that is why we humans always seek to be a pair. And as the famous saying goes. Two is a company, three is a crowd. It kinda denotes that two is better than three, for most cases anyways.

Of course three isn't so bad a number. But two seems to be a number used in many situations and seems to be the stabiliser of situations. A balance.

Another phrase came to mind.

'Middle can't live without the two sides' – Eug -

I just realised now how powerful two can be. Without two points there can't be a middle.

- now listening to 'The Magic Will Return' by Lingua Mystica -

The middle path I guess is perhaps the ultimatum point of stability? One can't dwell on one extreme end. The scales will tip and chaos ensues.

Giving and taking somehow now takes on a new meaning as I think about it more. Think of oneself as a scale and you're the very middle point. You have to take some weight from left and give to the other and vice versa. Kind of tiring come to think of it.

No wonder those who choose the middle path have to go through quite a lot. It's so much easier to choose a side than to be neutral.

Suddenly I feel like a United Colonial Space Marines from the Xenomorph universe.

'Whoever wins, we lose' - Aliens vs Predator tag line -

Speaking of space, I've also been involved with Star Wars Republic Commando. Gawd I love that game. The beauty of picture perfect coordination.

Actually, as I ponder I realised that the Commando squad was deadly not because they went by numbers (four isn't exactly a big number). It was the ability to become united and be a bigger thinking being, all parts bound, tied and connected by perfect coordination, teamwork and timing.

It was amazing how 4 different personalities were like one when together. I mean, they are clones but with very different personalities nonetheless. I actually consider them each different individuals than 4 beings of same mind coming from the same parent. It was like clockwork, one being one part of the time teller and another being another. The clock looks like a one piece item but in reality in consisted of many parts all working synonymously and in synch with each other. One wrong offset, one lagging, one going too fast...spells disaster.

There was a theory that a hive mentality for human beings will result in peace. Chaos ensued because we as humans are such invidualistic beings in a community based society. Strange isn't it?

The plethora of thoughts and persona give rise to variety and spice of life. But on the other hand it was also the perfect recipe for chaos and disorder. Paradoxical indeed. We just can't seem to live without the other. We want a 'rainbow-coloured' life and not something bland and monotonous. And yet we want peace in our lives instead of total chaos.

- now listening to 'Secret Base' by ZONE -

It's now 1.26 pm the next day. No, I'm not crazy that I stayed up until then.

I just woke up not long ago after having quite a medley of a dream. Perhaps it was obsession or just the plain fact that I was watching the Special Generation PV the night before, but I dreamt of Momoko chan and I think Miyabi chan, both together as one person. I think there was Yurina as well amidst that person. Strangely though, no Risako. No!!! T^T

Strange it was that there could be this one person that was a blend of so many people. It was like when I was talking to Momoko suddenly the scene shifts and even though I have my eye on her, when she turned around she was suddenly another person.

But it was a beautiful dream. Not because I was with 3 Berryz singers (well, that’s a plus though XD) but because there was this one part in the dream where I was at Momoko’s porch. I looked up and the scene of the night sky together with the porch ceiling somehow touched my heart. I didn’t know why. It was just at that very moment.

I have this theory though that it was because it was a moment of beautiful scenery coupled with the feeling of having someone so special near you to share that moment. It’s one of those wonderful feelings and one of those ‘feel complete’ feelings. It was a beautiful dream indeed. So for those out there with a special someone, I hope you have many such moments.

Perhaps I should turn this dream into a fanfic. I do have alotta ideas and just in need of some time to spice it up. XD

Dun mind the rantings of a Hello Project fan. Rofl. XD

Well, anyways, my entry ends here. May all have happiness and those special moments always. Ja ne.